40 hours of life

Fr. Denis came to the Hospital about 1 A.M. and performed the baptism

One week ago yesterday our sweet baby boy came into the world at 12:22 am and was baptized not long after that.  The months of waiting, the last couple of months of wondering if the ultrasound would be correct......were.  It all seems so incredibly fast now.  We found out that something was wrong with our precious baby eight and a half weeks ago.  Even the long waiting all of July for him to come, seems like a blink of an eye now.  And then his forty hours of life....did it all really happen?

resting together after his birth

He was not able to nurse, but was comforted by NG tube feedings every couple hours

I really really really thought that he really really really would have a  miracle in his little body.  Even though I prayed for God's will and felt at peace before his birth about his death in my heart, I thought that if God only healed one thing.  If his heart was healed then they could do surgery on the other things.  If God healed his diaphragm then he would be strong enough for the other surgeries.  Every time I went forward to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, I felt like the woman who just knew that if she could just touch the edge of His garment she would be made well.  I knew that if I could just receive Jesus, He could make my baby well. I filled the freezer with easy things for the girls to make meals with so I could be in the hospital with the baby for as many weeks as it took.  We made a schedule so that life at home could have a routine that worked as Mark and I spent time with the baby and his needs.  Whatever it took, I was up to the challenge and as I held my sweet baby boy in the hospital as he was slowly passing away  I told him "I would do anything in the world for you. anything".

What a joy to take care of Mark-Jerzy for the 40 hours

How do I go from missing his presence to being thankful that he is where I should long to be.  My heart aches and my arms are empty, how do I feel thankful for the precious forty hours that I held him, taking in his sweet newborn baby smell, kissing his little deformed hands and feet, telling him how much I love him.

I have been wondering why.  Not "why God did you do this to us?",  But there seems to be so much purpose in his little life.  Purpose in the pregnancy.  Purpose in us being here in KC.  Why God, why did you give us him?  What is it you are teaching us?  His brothers and sisters who have been loving him since they found out that he was coming.  He gave the world Mark-Jerzy for forty hours. Why?  What is it that You are teaching us?

The kids singing with Jon during communion at the funeral mass

This is the song we listened to during labor, afterwards, Jon sang at the funeral mass, and continue to listen to.

      Mark and I have been reading Interior Freedom, by Jacques Philippe. On the day after Mark-Jerzy's Funeral we picked it up and read the following:

       "It is natural and easy to go along with pleasant situations that arise without our choosing them. It becomes a problem, obviously, when things are unpleasant, go against us, or make us suffer. It is precisely then that, in order to become truly free, we are often called to chose to accept what we did not want, and even we would not have wanted at any price. There is a paradoxical law of human life here; one cannot become truly free unless one accepts not always being free!

To achieve true interior freedom we must train ourselves to accept, peacefully and willingly, plenty of things that seem to contradict our freedom. This means consenting to our personal limitations, our weaknesses, our powerlessness, this or that situation that life imposes on us, and so on. We find it difficult to do this, because we feel a natural revulsion for situations we cannot control. But the fact is that the situations that really make us grow are precisely those we do not control."

Special Thanks!

Especially since we have been able give away so much of it! More than a few of you have sent boxes. They have been full of books, chocolate, religious items, a coffee maker, spatulas, Tony's Cajun Seasoning, cookie cutters, and many other amazing things. Easter has presented us with special opportunities to give away so much. The books have been great. Staff here at the nursing home come to us to see if we have a book, like on the subject of prayer. I gave a copy to a staff member then a few days later she tells me she gave it to her daughter who really enjoyed it and wonders if we have another copy. Still looking.... which is one of the reasons I wanted to give this quick update to say "Thank you!" and that your support is being put to good use! I really need to update what our needs are but books are so great and people seem to really appreciate them. Here is the link to what we can use: http://rooftopmissions.blogspot.com/p/supporting-us-in-missions.html and I will update it soon! Paper products seem to be hard to get items here.

New wheel barrow we were able to buy because of donors sending money for specific needs!

Here we are working on the back board for the Basketball hoop! One is now up and we have visitors to play very often!

    Some of you sent money for the Basketball project, which we are still working on. (I am going to do a big post with lots of pictures on the progress). Some of you sent money for tools and stuff for the Marian Home. This has allowed me to fix and repair things for the Sisters without charging them for materials. I now even have a book with little projects the Sisters and staff at the Marian Home write things that need fixed. If someone feels the Lord is leading them to fund this ministry regularly that would be great. We are praying about how to maybe start a ministry to teach the young people practical skills, like how to repair a faucet (the pipe as it is called here) or how to make bread. 

Please continue to pray and make sacrifices for our ministry here. 

God Bless you all!

Eternal Wisdom

March 2 was the feast day of St. Henry Suso who lived in the 1300's. In a book called "Voices of the Saints" which was given to us by our good friend Ranell Curl (who is not a Catholic) I read the following excerpt:

Eternal Wisdom: When I hide myself, only then do you become aware of who I am or who you are. I am eternal Good, and so when I pour myself forth so lovingly, everything I enter becomes good. One can thus detect my presence as one detects the sun by its brightness since one cannot see its essence.

Servant: Lord, I find within myself a great unevenness. When I feel forsaken, my soul is like a sick person to whom everything is repugnant. But when the bright morning star bursts forth in my soul, all gloom disappears. Quickly, however, it is all snatched away and I am again forsaken. But then after intense sadness it returns. What is going on?

Eternal Wisdom: I am causing it, and it is the game of love. As long as love is together with love, love does not know how dear love is. But when love departs from love, then truly love feels how dear love was.

Servant: Dear Lord, teach me how to conduct myself in this game.

Eternal Wisdom: On good days you should consider the bad days, and on the bad days consider the good days. Then neither the exuberance at my presence nor despondency can harm you. To find joy on earth, it is not enough that you give a certain period of the day. You must constantly remain within yourself if you want to find God, hear his familiar words and be sensitive to his secret thoughts.

St. Henry Suso wrote a book on prayer called "The Little Book of Eternal Wisdom" which is where this quote came from. Some think of saints as people who were perfect, but they were not, they loved God passionately and tried to say "Yes" to His will in all things, and they humbled themselves before Him when they failed. We can all be saints, we are all called to be saints. Let us seek to Love God more and more each day.